Communication: the four-ears model

In short: According to Friedemann Schulz von Thun every message has four sides: factual content, self-revelation, relationship and appeal. Misunderstandings arise when sender and receiver emphasise different levels.

In more detail: The model is also called the communication square. The sentence “It’s green back there” says something about the traffic light, about the speaker, about the relationship and urges to drive.

In detail

• Factual ear: What is it about factually?
• Self-revelation ear: What does the statement reveal about the speaker (mood, intention)?
• Relationship ear: What does it say about the relationship?
• Appeal ear: What am I supposed to do?
• Misunderstandings: Anyone listening “oversensitively” on the relationship ear quickly feels attacked.
• Send clearly: I-messages (“I need…”) instead of reproaches.
• Active listening: Ask questions and summarise (aktives-zuhoeren, feedback-geben-und-annehmen-konstruktiv-im-team).